Ways to support new parents
My friend gave birth a week ago, and I'm not sure how to support her best. I don't have kids myself, so I feel a bit over my head. I want to give her space to heal, but I also want her to know I'm here. When I text to ask what she needs, I either hear nothing, get a reply days later, or get a short message with a few baby pics. I'm happy to see the baby, but what I really want to know is how she's doing. I'd rather be proactive and actually helpful than wait for her to tell me what she needs, but I don't know where to start.
Mother Mable’s reply:
If you want to support a friend who has recently given birth but aren’t sure where to start, think about how to make their day a little easier. You don’t have to wait for them to ask — in fact, sometimes it’s the things we do without being asked that are the most impactful for a new parent. A small, practical gesture goes a long way.
Here are five simple ways to help:
Bring food. Drop off or a meal delivered for them and their family, especially something you know they will enjoy. Make it even easier by not asking them to what they would like or to search through a restaurant menu. Pick a few things they might like and trust that the gesture will be well received. For fun, think about those foods they didn’t get to eat when pregnant and might be craving again. If you’re able to deliver yourself, that’s great. Keep the visit brief enough to drop off. New parents often feel pressured to host guests, have a clean house, or expose the baby before they're ready. Let them know that your thoughtfulness is comes with no strings attached or expectations to stay for a visit.
Send a quick text. Let them know you’re thinking of them. Even though they may not have the energy to respond, knowing someone is there can help on those tough days. Send a word of encouragement, a fun memory or photo, or an interesting podcast or music. None of these require a response, but can help ease the isolation of the early newborn days and connect new parents to things they enjoy outside of their bundle of joy.
Take something off their to-do list. Offer to do a load of laundry, fold clothes, or tackle another household chore. Grocery shopping is a great way to help out a new family. Pick some items that are easy to grab-and-go or that don’t require much cooking time. Snacks and hydrating beverages for a breastfeeding mama are a great way to perk them up.
Run an errand. Are there bags of clothing that can be donated? Are there packages to be picked up or dropped off? Does their pet need to go to the groomer or vet? The easiest way to help a new parent is to give them back their time.
Help with the rest of the household. If they have older children and you are a trusted friend, offer a playdate so the new parents can focus and the children can burn off some energy. Offer to take their pet on a long walk or local park. A lot of household chores can also be done by a service, so consider a gift card or hiring help to come in and tidy or organize the home.
Invite them to do something they love. In the early days of parenting, it may feel overwhelming or too difficult to get out of the house. Often mothers, particularly first-time mothers, experience a loss of self that can feel jarring to their mental health. Seeing a friend for a walk, going to a nearby event or favorite place can help open her up to her support. She may talk about the baby (a lot), or miss the baby (a lot), but she will appreciate your listening and witnessing her in this deeply personal transformation into motherhood (a lot).